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A story in which I prove how smart my fiancé and I are:
E and I have two fireplaces in our house – one in the living room and one in the basement. They are regular, wood-burning fireplaces. Except the last couple times we tried to burn wood in them, they made the house a little smoky. Oops.
We have an appointment with chimney cleaning/repair people so we can find out what the problem is. The appointment isn’t until mid-February. Meanwhile (said in the Superfriends narrator voice), we are having some friends over in early February. We want the fireplace in the basement to work so people don’t have to walk around with boots and mittens on.
E convinced himself that the smokiness from earlier wood-burning attempts was because the wood was too green/new. So we bought some of those wood composite logs that are supposed to burn hot and clean. And decided to try one out last night.
This is where the genius part comes in…I tell him to get a bucket of water or something in case it starts to get smoky, we can throw the burning log into the bucket of water to douse it and take it outside immediately. He gets a bucket of snow. Snow = water, right? I grab a pitcher of water – just in case.
So he lights the log and it’s burning all nicely with only minimal smoke (should have been first clue) in the basement. After the paper part burns, there is no more smoke coming out of the fireplace, and the log is burning nicely. Making a lovely crackling noise that I agreed was romantic even though I secretly didn’t think so. After about 15 minutes, the flames on the log are barely an inch high.
More genius-ness…we decide to pick up the barely burning log with the tongs and just take it outside. I run upstairs to open the doors to make it as quick of a process as possible, and I hear, “Honey, we have a small problem.” I run back downstairs and there is a hugely-on fire, previously-oxygen-deprived-log now sitting in the snow-filled bucket, which is probably about to start on fire itself. Oh, did I mention it was a plastic bucket? I dump the pitcher of water on the burning log only to have smoke envelope the whole basement. Way to go, me! Thankfully, amid the smoke and piercing call of the smoke detector (yay, it works!) E runs the bucket/log combo outside and dumps it in the snow.
I start shutting doors to the bedrooms, turn off the furnace, open as many windows and doors as I can, and turn on fans in an attempt to get the smoke out of the house. We clear it out as best as we can, but smoke, being the stinky, penetrating fog that it is, leaves a lingering smell. Oh well. Now we know it’s not the wood. And, as GI Joe says, “Knowing is half the battle.”
We close the windows and doors, laugh about being so darn smart, thank God we didn’t burn down the house or get hurt, and make some dinner. At least we didn’t burn that.
It’s ok:
To dump out the last few bites of vegetable soup and have some M&Ms instead.
To be really happy about the “me time” you had over the weekend, and maybe wish you had some a little more often.
That Mondays aren’t your most productive days – there are four more work days in the week.
To cry at sappy made-for-tv-movies even if you didn’t watch it from the beginning and aren’t really sure what the plot is.
To be in a rush to go home even if your goal is to lie on the couch and watch bad tv.
To celebrate Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day by annoyingly popping a couple sheets of bubble wrap.
To feel proud about the emails you sent to your Senators letting them know your opinions.
This email made it to my inbox last week from one of my girls, and I thought it was fun. I almost wanted to post her names because they were so good.
1. My rock star name (first pet and current car): Dusty Camry (Apparently, I have a dirty car.)
2. My “gangsta” name (favorite ice cream flavor and cookie) Bear Claw Shortbread: (Don’t mess with me!)
3. My fly girl name (first letter of first name, first three letters of last name): Mcha (Sounds like a funny sneeze.)
4. My detective name (favorite color, favorite animal): Orange Giraffe (Something like that.)
5. My soap opera name (middle name and street you grew up on): Anne Jefferson (These are the days of our lives…)
6. My superhero name (second favorite color, favorite drink, add “the”): The Green Latte (Saving the day – one latte at a time.)
7. My NASCAR name (first two names of my two grandfathers): Fred John (This is old school NASCAR.)
8. My stripper name (favorite perfume, favorite sweet): Mademoiselle Chocolate (Ooo la la!)
9. My witness protection name (mother’s and father’s middle names): Ann William (How generic – which, I guess, is the point.)
10. My weather person name (fifth grade teacher’s name and a major city beginning with the same letter): Darby Dublin (It’s a good weather-woman’s name.)
11. My spy name (favorite season/flower): Autumn Gerbera (I don’t hate it.)
12. My cartoon name (favorite fruit and garment you’re wearing, add an “ie” or “y”): Apple Skirty (a new cocktail?)
13 My hippie name (what you ate for breakfast and favorite tree): Waffle Maple (if I wanted to get technical it’d be Frozen Waffle, or ultimately Toasted Waffle.)
14. My rock band name (favorite hobby and weather element, add “the”): The Traveling Hurricane (I wish I were rich enough to consider traveling a hobby. I do love it though.)
15: My blues singer name (a disability, a fruit or vegetable, and a president): Blind Avocado Clinton (Rockin’ the house!)
What’s your name?
(idea taken from Glamour magazine monthly segment)
It’s OK…
To hope that the group of new girls (the ones who all came together in support of resolutions and each other) in toning class yesterday are so sore that they don’t come back for a few weeks.
To want to tell the male weightlifters to stop with the grunting already. It’s not the world’s strongest man competition.
To wish your grandparents used Evite.
To have only vegetables for dinner, and then two chocolate chip cookies later.
To hate that the wedding is starting to feel like a performance and you really weren’t cut out to be an actor.
That the honeymoon is already planned and booked even though the wedding planning isn’t finalized. Priorities!
To eat dark chocolate peanut M&Ms – dark chocolate and nuts are supposed to be good for you.
To wish everyone would just listen to you and do what you say. Life would be so much easier.
