Calculus, What is it Good For?

I’m nervous about starting school next week.

I’m sure I’ll do fine. I’ve always done well in school – well except for that crazy calculus class I took in college that I didn’t need to take, and shouldn’t have taken, and I failed. Oops. Here’s the thing, I worry about doing well. So, while I’m fairly confident I have the knowledge and skills to do well, does it help that I worry about it? I mean, what if I stopped worrying and then failed. What if I thought, heck yeah, I’m a damn fine student and I’ll rock this class and then I fail. Like when I take a flight somewhere, if I finally stopped worrying about the plane crashing, would the plane really crash? Does the worry somehow fuel the success?

I guess a minimal amount of worrying is good. It keeps me motivated to study and do well. The rest of the worry is just bad for me. I KNOW this. Oh geez, maybe it’s an addiction. Maybe I’m addicted to worry. And guilt. I need to see a therapist.

Ok, so I start school next week, and I’m looking forward to it. I’ll worry a bit, and work hard, and try to get lots of practice (who wants a FREE massage???) so that if I attempt to make a career of it afterwards I won’t fail like I did in that calculus class. Damn you, Calculus!

School Days.

Last night, I had orientation for massage therapy school.  As I sat there and observed the other potential students, and the instructors, I thought, WTH am I doing here?  But the instructors, once they started talking, seemed pretty cool and genuinely willing to help the students succeed.  So, I paid my tuition in full, got my books, and walked out a student.  

I am a little nervous about all the work that needs to be done, and everything that I need to learn, but I think I will be ok.  I want to learn.  And I want to learn about massage.

One of the fun perks is that I got to buy some cool massage supplies, and a new notebook and pen.  And, most importantly, I bought a new tote bag to carry all of my stuff.  (I haven’t bought a new bag in a LONG time.)  It’s just like the first day of school.  Well, I guess it is…only it’s May instead of August.

So, if anyone wants a free massage, let me know.  I have to get in a load of  practice hours before graduation.

Sometimes Shoes and Food Are Stressful.

I have not been motivated to/excited about/desiring of blogging lately.

I mean I guess I could tell you about my one boss getting me flowers for administrative professionals’ day and the other boss saying, Oooo, who got your flowers? Is it your birthday? And me thinking, Oh your poor thing…Wait til you figure out that you just made yourself look really bad.

Or dropping off two pairs of shoes at the shoe repair place to get new tips put on the heels. They told me I could pick them up Tuesday (yesterday). So I stopped in on Tuesday at lunch and the shoes weren’t ready. What? If YOU tell me when I can pick them up, then YOU should have them ready.

Or that I’ve had pizza for dinner the past two nights and four cookies yesterday and my pants are tight today. Ugh.

Or that lately I’ve been spending money like crazy on some clothes for summer and school supplies. I better make some good money after I’m done with massage school.

Or that I had a lot of caffeinated drinks this morning and now my belly hurts a little. It has also hurt on a regular basis lately – I think just stress-related. I hate stress, and it is going to kill me some day if I don’t figure out how to get it under control. Which is also stressful in itself.

Or that E and I finally replaced our mailbox, and our neighbor’s mailbox, this weekend so the neighbor lady can stop driving through our yard. Or that I passive-aggressively thought about putting nails by the mailbox so she would get a flat tire. Or that I will never again buy a house where we share mailbox area with the neighbors. Or that we were going to an open house this weekend until we drove by and saw shared mailboxes and decided to not even go in.

So there is my exciting life in one blog post. Sometimes I amaze myself.

New Shoes Make Me Happy.

Today was a much better day. A little lot of caffeine in the morning, a great press conference, a healthy lunch, a last-minute score on someone rolling our lawn and it was a pretty good day.  

And TV doesn’t totally suck. Tonight, I watched a show called Better Off Ted. It was recommended by a co-worker, and it lived up to her hype. Very funny!

Now, if I just had a couple of new pairs of shoes I would be ecstatic!

TV Sucks.

This morning I was ready a little earlier than normal. I left the gym to go to work, but couldn’t. I drove around town trying to think of something to do other than drive around town, but I couldn’t even talk myself into getting a coffee. I just did not want to go to work. I did end up going to work, and I hated it all day long.

I have had the worst attitude lately. I think I need a vacation. An honest-and-for-true vacation. The kind where, at the end, I’m pretty much ok with getting back to the real world. A sunny, relaxing, fruity drink, local beers, pool time, sight-seeing, nice dinner, people-watching vacation. I want to breathe and not smell bad attitude or bad economy. I want to feel at peace with myself and with those around me. I constantly feel like I am battling something and it’s probably just me – kicking my own ass. I’m tired of it. And just tired.

I don’t want to be such a fun-stopper all the time. I’m tired of coming home from work and only having enough energy to sit on the sofa and watch TV. TV sucks. TV sucks and then I go to bed and get then I get up and do it all over again. Just tired.

I want to be me again. Only better.