We’re Gonna Make It.

I had a fantastic time in Colorado!  It was SO good to see S.  As our friend, L, said, “The girls are back together. It makes me happy.”  It made me happy too.  Over and over S and I kept saying how much we needed that visit.  And, while I knew I was missing something with her not in my daily life, I really felt it when we were together.  We really do balance each other out.  Lucy and Ethel, Thelma and Louise, Laverne and Shirley.

We did a lot – ate dinner right off of the table (no dishes, no silverware, and AT a restaurant), saw a Cirque du Soleil show (AWESOME!), ate Rocky Mountain Oysters, hung out, went shopping, had a great dinner in.  Whether we were doing something or nothing, it was just right.

I think S said it best… On Saturday we were shopping the one day looking for outfits to wear for our night out.  We each had something to wear, but girls are always on the lookout for something a little more suited to the occasion.  I found a maxi dress for S (she’s tall and thin and can pull it off) and held it out for her.  She said, I have been looking for a long dress!  She tried it on and it looked great on her.  Sunday night, we were hanging out, and she said, I had been looking for a long dress for a year and couldn’t find one. You come here and in one shopping trip, you not only instinctively know I’m looking for one, but you find the perfect one.

We’re just that good together.

Oh, and we bought a t-shirt for her 13-year-old daughter – total score, from the Junior’s department, right from what the mannequin was wearing, thought we were SO cool.   Yeah, her daughter didn’t like it.  Ha!  We ARE old.  And we’re still cool.

Oh, AND, we were talking about a huge Halloween party that happens in her city and how we wanted to go as Laverne and Shirley. Then we had the awesome idea that our SOs would be Lenny and Squiggy.  Mine is tall and blond and hers is short and brunet.  Perfect!

Colorado Rocky Mountain High.

Tomorrow I am leaving for Colorado for the weekend. I’m going to see a very good friend.

S and I have been friends since 1996 when we worked together. I think we were friends immediately. I think we were just so much funnier, cooler, better when we were together. She is Laverne to my Shirley. She is the crazy, tall, blonde, drinker, and I am the short, brunette, analyzing, designated driver (altho I did that under the influence too many times). We balanced each other out.

Then we kind of drifted apart. She moved away and I stayed. I grew up a bit and stopped going to the bar every weekend, she got a job at a bar and kept drinking. Last time she was here, she spent more time with other friends than with me. It was her birthday and I treated us to massages and pedicures, but was almost tense, stilted.
Now that some time has passed, I think we both miss what we used to have (youth, perhaps?). I want some new memories to go along with all of the old inside jokes, and I think she does, too.

So I’m going to visit her and I’m a little nervous, but mostly excited. I might even cry a little. Ha – big shocker! I don’t know what all she has planned, and I really don’t care. We could just tailgate at a DMV (or Wal-mart) making fun of everyone and I’d be happy as can be. Because I know we’d be laughing our asses off. Damn, we’re funny!

 

Breathe.

Two weeks ago I did something I’ve never done before – I went to see a therapist.

I have been having problems dealing with both big and small things, I have been stressed a lot, tired all the time, and just tired of not feeling normal or happy. I just want to be happy.

So I went to see a therapist. And we talked and I cried. She asked if the crying was new and I said, oh no I’ve cried my whole life – happy, sad, mad, whatever. Through the course of the hour, we came to the conclusions that my sensitive nature makes me more susceptible to other people’s crap (good things, too, but crap is obviously the negative portion), and that I have anxiety issues. As in, when I take on other people’s crap I start to feel anxious about things that aren’t even mine to deal with. Add to that my own stress and well, no wonder I have problems.

She gave me some tips to help protect myself when things are getting dramatic, or when someone is spewing crap and I am wanting to pick it up. As I told my husband, the first rule I learned as a child is still applicable today – If it’s not yours, don’t touch it. And I have some other tricks to help me kind of put up an energy barrier so their negative energy isn’t sucked into my force field. Force field makes it sound like I’m with the Super Friends and we’re meeting at the Hall of Justice later.

I should also give up caffeine, alcohol, sugar and smoking. Eeks! How about one at a time – working on the caffeine. I’ve been drinking non-caffeinated tea lately. I don’t smoke, so at least I’m one up already.

And I have to remind myself to breathe. Just breathe. Like when I’m standing in line and the cashier is being an idiot and the person in front of me is being an idiot and I’m ready to put everything down and walk away, and my brain says, Hello, moron, you haven’t taken a breath in 2 minutes, how about you help me out a bit.

I’m going back tonight as a follow-up, but I think I will be ok. It helped a lot to know what is wrong, and that I can be in control of it. I’m not crazy or incapable of being happy, I just needed some helping getting out of my own way.